Extreme Makeover, Blog Edition

You have to admit my blog kicks some you know what. It looks pretty sweet. Drew is getting a little concerned however....i mean, i'm getting pretty good at this blogging thing. He even called me a blog 'expert'. I guess I am...did you see that i now have 'links'? And I have a pretty sweet template. Yeah, I'm just trying to keep up with my buddy Heather. She's the best blogging 'expert' i know. So enjoy the makeover! I sure am.

This One's For You...Ya, You Know Who You Are

All right, let's get real. Life is just not as much fun without my fun lovin' sis-in-law around. Thursday suppers at mom L's are a little dull, Bill's getting a little boring without 'danya' to teach him the next trick, and I'm just plain ol' lonely. My buddy isn't here to talk about recipes with, to share the same excitement for shopping, and to make survivor night worth watching. I've gone on this long without her, but I just don't know if I can do it anymore. To make things worse my 'rents bought their tickets to Russia yesterday. Oh, i think i did a pretty good job pretending to be happy for them, but deep down inside i'm raging with envy. And did they invite me along? Nooooo. They sure didn't. They'll be off gallivanting through St. Pete's with my gal Crystal and I'll be here...at home...crystal will only be but a smiling face on my refrigerator door.

My food has lost it's taste, my laugh has lost it's ring, my eyes have lost their sparkle. Nothing can take your place. Nothing will make me feel better until I see you again. So here's a shout out to you, Crystal: "YOU ROCK AND I MISS YOU LIKE NO BODY'S BIZZNESS!"

In your honor I made a rockin' batch of dill dip for supper. I will sip a diet cherry coke and eat my dill dip and think of you....it just won't taste the same without you here.

Bill! It's Dick Dick!

The inevitable has happened. I was looking at a picture of Dick Dick on the computer the other day and casually asked Bill, "who's that?". My heart sunk as he stared blankly at the screen. 'Dick Dick! That's Dick Dick!' I almost shouted. "Remain calm," i told myself, "maybe it's just the new hat Dick Dick is sporting. It's probably confused Bill". Just to be sure I've decided to make a series of flashcards for Bill. Pictures of Dick Dick, Danya, and Arlink wearing various styles of clothing...some pictures with hats, some without, some with sunglasses...well, you get the idea. Dick Dick, Danya, Arlink...Bill will not forget who you are if I have anything to do with it. Absence WILL make the heart grow fonder. We will deligently study those flashcards every night. If you have any other ideas, please let me know.

So I was writing in one of my last posts that Bill is the Butterfly waiting to emerge out of his cocoon. Well, by no means is he a butterfly yet, but nature is definitely running it's course with a little help from moi. I'm encouraging Bill to express his emotions. Often he keeps them all bottled up inside. While we were in Orlando visiting an organization that will remain annonymous (policies, people, policies!) Bill expressed himself beautifully when he opposed the idea of going inside. Progress, Bill. It's progress. The next step is to learn a little R E S P E C T. Yes Bill, even butterflies show respect.

Here is Bill showing his immense displeasure:

Don't Be Shy! Introduce Yourself!

Bill and I were reading my friend's blog 'Our Life Voyage' and liked her idea of asking people who read her blog to introduce themselves. So if you read our blog, please! Introduce yourself! Bill would like to meet you.

Bill the Butterfly

It's been 2 weeks since we arrived home from C.R. It's been a long 2 weeks to be honest. Bill just hasn't been himself and Jester is just moping around the house feeling sorry for himself. He wishes he was back on the beach surrounded by costa rican women. I think Bill has been searching for himself. I think the trip really affected him....I can't quite put my finger on it yet. He just seems like he's not satisfied anymore. Maybe he's been ruined for the ordinary. It's too early to tell the full extent of how he's been affected, but I plan on keeping close tabs on him. It seems like the only thing that cheers him up these days is his 'precious'. I kid you not, that is what he named his blankie. He just sits in bed and strokes his 'precious'. I wonder what he's thinking.....He's the kind of kid that you just don't want to pry too much. I see him as a butterfly that needs to emerge from it's cocoon. You can't rush these things. Let nature run it's course. Actually...I think he's still a caterpillar that needs to make itself a cocoon. Actually, he's a caterpillar that hasn't even THOUGHT about making the cocoon. Oh Bill, time will tell, time will tell.

Costa Rica according to Jester

According to me, Costa Rica is Heaven on Earth. The culture, the people, the sights, the sweet hot weather. Life couldn't be better. The women absolutely adored me. Seriously, they couldn't get enough of me. I didn't even do anything. I would just smile and they would go crazy. It was awesome. I was the most loved man in Costa Rica. I would go back in a second.

Another reason I liked the trip so much is that I got a sweet tan. I've been wearing short sleeved shirts - white ones - to show it off. Another perk was that my mom was constantly worried that I was dehydrated and kept wanting to feed me. I didn't argue with her. Sweet, I thought. I tried to look thirsty and it worked most of the time. I think I gained a few pounds. The pounds I gained I think my brother Bill lost.....more on that later.

Here is me on the beach working on my sweet tan:

My mom had a pretty good time too, but she kept talking about some 'auntie danya'....auntie danya would like this and auntie danya would like that and how much she missed auntie danya. Who the heck is auntie danya? Whoever she is she must be somebody really special. Sheesh. Speaking of special people here is a pic of me with my kindred spirit, Colin. We totally hit it off. We didn't talk much, but he would often give me a knowing smile. I miss not seeing him every day, but I guess there's always church.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time, unlike my brother Bill. I don't know what his problem was. He didn't like the heat, he didn't like the food, he didn't like the bugs, he even didn't like how friendly people were to him. I told him to take a chill pill....stick it out for 2 weeks and if need be, to just pretend he's having fun. I think he was just jealous that the women liked me so much and not him, but I didn't rub it in. His attitude just really stunk. I mean, I can't help it that they named a soft drink after me, right? Costa Rica just agreed with me. I've even adopted the Costa Rican saying, "Pura Vida!". For those of you who don't know spanish it means the pure life. I was living the pure life for 2 short weeks. My 2 weeks of fame are over...they are but a distant memory now. Whenever Bill gets a little fresh with me I just go to my happy place. I go to Costa Rica - at least in my mind I do. Bill just doesn't even understand. He never will. He really missed out, but in a way I'm glad. Costa Rica is mine to treasure forever.

Just so there are no hard feelings (because Bill might read this), here is a pic of me and Bill hanging out in Costa Rica. It wasn't all bad, was it Bill?:

The True Meaning of Christmas....according to Bill

Christmas has come and gone and with it it brought a lot of changes in the VBerg household. A new side of Bill has come out and I don't know if Christmas is to blame.....but I guess I just don't know what else to blame it on. Could it simply be the sinful nature of the human race? I'm sure you are wondering what the new side of Bill could possibly be. He is already so wonderfully complex. Well, where should I begin?

I'll begin with the day after our Christmas festivities were over. Bill was so excited about his red Case Tractor with not just 2 back tires, but 4. It's a beaut, let me tell you. I can't remember the exact details, but let's just say Bill and I exchanged some words. The next thing I know he's kicking over his cherished tractor and throwing around the baler and any other implement he could get his hands on. So I told him, "Bill, you are forgetting the reason for the season. Mary's boy child, Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas Day. Sheesh. What's with the attitude?". Bill knew he was out of line.... we both knew it, so that's where I left it. I figured he'd come around.

Unfortunately that's not where this story ends. All of a sudden greed has entered in. Bill began coveting Jester's stocking stuffers. I can hardly blame him. They're pretty darn cool. Anyways, that's besides the point. Jester was minding his own business, playing with his new squishy trucks when Bill's greed got the best of him. He sneaks up behind Jester and steals the trucks right out from under him. It was like stealing candy from a baby. I couldn't believe it. My Bill? Stealing? So I told him to give the trucks back to Jester. He reluctantly returned ONE of the trucks to Jester. Sheesh, I thought. But, I didn't want to push it. It had been a long day already. I was busily preparing lunch for Bill when out of the corner of my eye I see my shoe in Bill's hand. What in the world is he up to now? All of a sudden, "WACK!". He had hit Jester square in the face, leaving him helpless and crying...and totally stunned. In fact, we all were. I think even Bill was stunned at what had just happened. I think he had a full circle moment right then. He realized that he had let the World's 'Spirit of Christmas' get into his heart....a spirit that is all about how much I can get and doing whatever it takes to get it. As I consoled Jester I really felt that no words needed to be said. I knew that Bill was remorseful and that was all the punishment he needed right then. Later on him and I had a good talk. He told me that from now on he wanted to make a conscious effort to be less materialistic.....he wanted to fight in the opposite spirit of greed. He wanted to be more giving. Suddenly a little twinkle appeared in his eye. "Jesus is the reason for the season, cliche, but true," He said. I agree, Bill, I agree.

Christmas Card Disaster

This year I wanted to be like everybody else and hand out a family picture with a Christmas greeting on it. I guess you could say we'd get a nice picture of Bill and Jester the day Santa comes down our chimney.....which is never because we don't have a chimney. Bill knew I was uptight about it and wanted to help out. He came up with a few suggestions. Here are the pictures he thought would be suitable for a nice Christmas greeting:

Wow Bill, those are great suggestions. As you can probably guess The Jester was not top pleased with the selections Bill made. Yeah Bill, maybe YOU look great on those shots, but you can't always think of yourself. The Jester ain't looking too hot on those.

So The Jester took matters into his own hands and made a few suggestions of his own:

Sheesh. One of his choices doesn't even include Bill. I can see where this is going. I called a family meeting. The Christmas card idea was becoming a disaster...and quickly. Christmas cards are supposed to bring warm, fuzzy feelings. Not anger and selfishness. Drew made an excellent suggestion. Why not compromise? Let's pick a picture that is unbias to both Bill and Jester. Here is Drew's suggestion:

Both parties involved are looking at the camera....Bill has a funny and almost wierd face and Jesse is slumped over and not smiling. See? A compromise! I agreed, it was a good idea. Unfortunately Bill and Jester didn't go for it. Bill was too embarrassed of his wierd face and Jester just couldn't give out a picture in which he wasn't smiling. So sorry folks, you won't be getting a warm, fuzzy Christmas greeting from us this year. But you can't say we didn't try.

Deck the Vberg Halls

It's Christmas time at the Vanden Berg household. Our humble tree turned out well. The popcorn garland was Bill's idea. I can see right through him however....he just wanted to 'help', which really means 'eat'. Yeah, that took awhile. Thanks, Bill, for all your help. Sheesh.














Moving on, I'd like to show off these 'ULTIMATE Sugar Cookies'. That's what the recipe is called anyways. They were a hit at the church potluck on Tuesday. Not one left much to Bill's dismay. And you know it's a keeper if Lena Friesen asks for the recipe. It's funny how the Bergie cookbook is full of recipes with titles such as, 'World's Greatest Meatloaf', or 'Best Ever Brownies', or in my case, 'Ultimate Sugar Cookies'. And it's even more funny how I always make the recipes with those kind of titles. I have yet to be disappointed. I think Denyse's Thumbprint cookies should be called, 'Denyse's Superduper Thumbprint Cookies'.



Here we have a picture of a plate of Christmas goodies that someone (who will remain annonymous) brought over today. I'd like to give you a tour. To the far left are chocolate covered cherries....but in between the chocolate and the cherry is a layer of peanut butter. Crystal, just so you know, it tastes pretty bad. You wouldn't like it. The second from the left is a square made with mini mashmellows, rice krispies, smothered in a peanutbutter/butterscotch filling. Again, Crystal, it's pretty awful stuff. The third from the left are Rolo cookies. Yes, that's right, there is a Rolo in the centre of a chocolate cookie. But as we all know, Rolo's are HORRIBLE. Whoever would come with such a terrible idea? Ruining a perfectly good cookie with a Rolo center. Sheesh. And finally, to the far right we have Fudge Puddles. That would consist of a peanutbutter cookie base filled with a pool of fudge on the top and topped with a peanut. Yeah, I may as well throw those in the garbage. Disgusting.

Bill wanted me to give a greeting from him. He says to say, 'May your days be merry and bright and may all your christmas's be white.' (if you ask me he's going a little overboard with the Boney M, but hey, he's discovered them for the first time. Who can blame him?)

Confessions.....

Chris and Crystal, this one's for you........So I'm going through this season in my life where I'm trying to be authentic. I'm not into hiding my feelings anymore. I want to live my life as an open book. So, here is goes. Yes, that Toby Keith CD was mine. I'm coming out of the closet. I, Lisa Marie Vanden Berg, am a die hard Toby fan. This summer when I threw away that Toby cd I was really living a lie. My 'reputation' was more important to me and I was afraid of what you guys would think of me. And I'll confess right now since everything is out in the open that I fished that cd out of the garbage when no one was looking and the next time when I was all alone I cranked it on my stereo and sang along at the top of my lungs. How liberating! I don't care what people think anymore. My Toby posters are going back up and I'm even going to bring out my concert t-shirts. So there you have it. I feel so much better already - I'M AUTHENTIC!!! Here's a big shout out to my main man Toby. "HEY TOBY, I'M YOU'RE #1 FAN!"

Danya? Dick Dick?

I'm worried about Bill. He's been having some withdrawl symptoms ever since Dick and Danya left. The other night he just kept saying, 'airplane, danya?'. Yes Bill, it's true. Dick and Danya went on an airplane and are gone out of our lives. Last night I showed him a picture of Dick and Danya and he just kept saying in a very high, quiet voice (and I'm not kidding), 'Dick Dick? Danya?'. It was like he was holding back his tears. Bill is having a lot of trouble sleeping. He cries himself to sleep every night since they left. Oh Bill, I know it's hard, but we just gotta pull ourselves together and keep going. Life doesn't stop for us when we're sad. We just gotta keep going. Be strong, Bill, be strong....if not for yourself, then for me.

Danya, seriously, maybe you could call Bill and encourage him a little sometime?

Billy Idol

" No pictures, please." Billy wasn't quick enough to get away from the paparazzi this time. Billy is known to shy away from cameras and tries to live a very private life. He drives an unsuspecting Accord which usually throws off those pesky paparazzi. Rumor has it he was leaving for a pleasure trip to St. Pete's in Russia.

To my faithful readers......

This is a sincere apology for not posting for so long. This is the culprit who has prevented me from posting.

I'd like to introduce 'the Jester' - the newest member of our clan. Notice the stylish fall sweater he's wearing courtesy of his auntie Danya. Looking sharp Jester, looking sharp. Not sure if the horizontal stripes do much for ya, though. sorry.

Star Struck

Much to Bill's delight there was free face painting at the church picnic today. And big surprise, he wanted a star drawn on his cheek. All the other kids wanted butterflies and tigers, but not Bill. Nope, he wanted a star. You should've seen the way he strutted around with his star. Bill, if you've got it, flaunt it, but maybe be a little more modest next time. We all know you're great and cool already, so cut it out with all this star stuff, all right?

The pic below is Madi putting Bill back in his place. Way to go Madi. You did what we all wished we had the guts to do. Bill didn't take it too well, but someone needed to say something.

Diet Update #3

Bill is approaching the one year mark on his diet. He wanted me to post another update for everyone. As you all know he's definitely had his ups and downs throughout the year, but in the last few weeks he's made some progress. He's decided to take the focus off what the scale says and just focus on eating right and feeling healthy. He's been under stress lately as he's anticipating the arrival of his new bro or sis and I think we all know it's difficult to eat right under stress. I'm pleased to report that Bill is holding his own very well under this difficult circumstance. Those evening cravings when it'd be easy to down a couple of teddy grahams or freezies, he chooses to obstain and opts for a glass of milk or some strawberries. "Baby steps, it's all about the baby steps," he tells me. Bill wanted me to send a special thanks out to his Aunt Crystal for always being such an encouragement through it all. If it wasn't for her he doesn't know where he'd be.

Here are a couple of parting shots of Bill...eating right. We're proud of you, buddy.

Left Behind

Crystal, We've been trying to get ahold of you since you left. You left one of your bags behind. Chris was just cringing while he unpacked the bag. Your bridesmaid shoes.....then your toothbrush....then your contact solution.....And then.....out popped Bill. Man was he pissed. He wanted to go to Florida more than anything and then you just HAD to forget the bag that he was packed in. Let's just say you better bring back a rockin' souvenier for him. Maybe then he'll forgive you.

Bill's Best Bud

Bill insisted that I make a post about his best friend "Big J". Bill and Big J have an open and honest relationship. Big J often talks to Bill about his diet. He encourages Bill to cut back and to eat more vegetables. Often, Big J is the only one that can get through to Bill. Bill encourages Big J to just muster up the courage and take those first few steps. 'It's not so bad', Bill tells him.

The real reason Bill wanted me to do a post on Big J was so we could give a big shout out to him! Here it goes.....HURRAY FOR BIG J - HERE IS A BIG SHOUT FOR YOU. Big J finally took the plunge and took those first steps. Bill knew you could do it. He believed in you more than anyone else. Bill is looking forward to ripping around the park and having his best friend right beside him.

Here is a nice shot of Bill and "J" showing a little affection. Can't you just feel the love?

Bill's Diet Update

Bill had joined millions of other North American's in what I like to call 'the diet trap'. As you can see from the before and after pics of his 'diet' not much progress has been made. He keeps giving into his carb cravings....and his exercise routine has gone downhill. He keeps promising Auntie Crystal that he'll do pilates with her some morning, but of course, it's been a bunch of empty promises. Sometimes he pulls out his pilates mat and puts it by his door with good intentions, but usually it gets put away again or it just stays there and we all step over it for a few weeks. I know he pretends it doesn't bother him....but when his pants are getting tighter and his shirts are getting smaller I think deep down inside he knows he needs to make some changes. My advice to Bill is to just scrap the fad diets and just live a healthy lifestyle. I've seen how it's getting him down and discouraged. Eat sensibly, Bill. And instead of using the remote all the time, try to get up off the couch and change the channel that way.


Bill at 11 months



















Bill at 15 months

Heartbroken.....

Bill was heartbroken today. He found out there is another man in Auntie Crystal's life. This so called 'soysoy', or 'sawyer'. How is life ever going to be the same? He's decided to make the best of it and move on. He told me even if he has to share his Aunt's affection, it's better than to lose her all together. Here is Bill moments after he found out about 'soysoy'.

StaaaaBucks and Jimmy Choo for YOU

Japan has STAAABUCKS! Staaabucks, staaabucks, staaaaaabucks! Today in the big city there was a staaabucks around every corner. I nearly went crazy. Which Staaabucks should we go to first? Crystal, this Staabucks is for you. It wasn't the same without you.

You would never believe it. We found Jimmy Choo. There it was...every girl's dream. I looked high and low until I found the perfect shoe for Crystal. But, the only problem was the language barrier. How could I communicate her size to the friendly sales lady? Would she understand me? I began pointing at the shoe and then showing her 8 fingers. Maybe she would figure it out. Much to my surprise she seemed to understand what I was trying to say. I couldn't believe my luck! Well, little did I know my luck was about to run out. The sales lady disappeared into the back for a few minutes. I could tell by the look on her face that she had bad news. She rattled off a bunch of stuff to me in Japanese, but I knew what she was trying to say. In just one small moment she completely crushed all my hopes of bringing Crystal an authentic Jimmy Choo shoe.

Well Crystal, I hope you know that I tried. I tried real hard. The least I could do was take a photo to show you what could have been, but what was never meant to be. Sorry, sis. I can only hope you will understand.