this is how it feels sometimes.....

Jesse has a growing fascination with anything that moves right now. His latest pet is this oversized grasshopper with one leg missing. He carries it with him in a jar wherever he goes. The grasshopper faithfully sits beside him as he eats at the table, watches over him as he sleeps at night, and endures 'playtime' which involves being put through earthquakes that would be at least 7.0 on the Richter scale. This morning Jesse went to nursery so his faithful friend was left behind, just sitting on the table with nothing to do but wait for Jesse's return. As I looked at the grasshopper I felt sympathy come over me. "I feel like you," I thought, "Trapped".

Geologically, on the map, I am smack dab in the centre of Papua New Guinea. I am living on a fenced in mission base. I have no car. And I'm living in this country where I don't have the same freedom that I had at home. I can't go out alone after dark. I can't just hop in a car and go shopping to 'the city'. I'm just...here. And it's not always a bad thing, it's just something to get used to.

On a spiritual level I've been feeling trapped too (this is the point I'm really trying to get to)..... I'm reading an eye opening book called The Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson. Throughout my Christian walk I seem to struggle with the same issues over and over. I haven't fully grasped the implications of the profound truth that I am God's child. In many ways I've accepted 'Pauperhood'. What is a Pauperhood? Here is how Kris Vallotton describes it in his book;

"Pauperhood is relegated to the children of a lesser god. It is the condition of slaves who have yet to discover their freedom on the other side of the river of baptism and find themselves still captured by the dark prince of torture and torment. He is the one who assigns them to a life of poverty, pain and depression through a diabolical play of illusion hoping to conceal their true identity forever. This evil prince feeds his captors the rations of religion to fill their soul's hunger for righteousness. These slaves, blindfolded by their sin, think that they are laboring for their own freedom and work to pave their way out of prison with bricks built from the miry clay of self-righteousness. Yet unknowingly, brick by brick, the are erecting their own chambers of death."

After reading that being trapped inside a jar doesn't sound so bad. But if I'm honest with myself I find myself in this very state. Something my pastor said has spurred me on; "We need to start praying that our true identity will be revealed to us." So I've started praying. I'm tired of living like a second class citizen and believing the same lies over and over again. The reality is that I have the mind of Christ. I have his divine nature. I can know the thoughts of God and I do hear His voice. I am heir to His throne. I have the same Spirit living in me that resurrected Jesus from the dead. I have full rights and privileges to God's promises because I am his daughter. These things are true, so why isn't my life radically different? Jesus is inside me and is ready to come out!

Since coming here I've really struggled. I've felt so discouraged. Before we left the Lord gave me so many dreams about our time here...things He wanted to do through me. Now that I'm here those dreams seem so impossible. But I think they seem impossible because I've been living as a Pauper. Too often my thoughts are, "Can God really use little old me"? The answer is YES. I need to change the way I think and start walking in the authority I have as the Lord's daughter.

"The lowest (the least) member of His body is superior to the highest principality and power of darkness. The original target in the creation of man was for us to live and dwell in His glory. "All of sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). The cross removes the obstacle to His purposes, and restores us to His original intent. The religious heart is unwilling to recognize that we really have been made in His image, and that being born again restores us to a place of absolute purity.
Jesus added to this in His priestly prayer, "The glory which You have give Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one" (John 17:22). It is recorded in Proverbs that wisdom will bring to us a crown of glory. Even our bodies were designed to live in His glory. As we become more and more accustomed to the presence of His glory, even our bodies hunger for God's glorious presence. The sons of Korah, who had spent considerable time in the actual glory of God, and had seen the effect on the physical being, sang, "My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God" (Ps. 84:2).
When God's royalty touches our lives, we discover we are designed to live in God's glory. We no longer live in the bondages of our past - performance and comparison in our daily lives, but we know our worth in simply loving Him. For out of that springs living water and revelation for those who have not found the truth in the nations of the earth!"

I've found this to be so true. I have had God's royalty touch my life many times before - my physical body has felt His glory and once you've experienced that you are never the same. You just crave His presence and nothing else satisfies you....

So that's where I'm at. It's a little scary to be transparent....but I think we can learn from each other's journeys. So here's hoping you'll take something from mine.